


You Can Take the Boy Out of the Chantry...

by Malley



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alistair is my dumpling, Everyone has fun poking fun at him, F/M, He is such a Chantry boy, Zevran is kinda sleazy but I love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18363851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malley/pseuds/Malley
Summary: Stuck in Fort Drakon before the Landsmeet, Elissa Cousland and Alistair take advantage of their time alone and try to have some fun caboodling. Of course, that's when their faithful companions come to the rescue. And they're not going to let Alistair down easy after having such an opportunity to embarrass him served up to them on a silver platter. Rated T for implied sexy times, a few swear words and some dirty Zevran jokes.





	You Can Take the Boy Out of the Chantry...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ry1765](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ry1765/gifts).



> Dedicated to my sister, ry1765. Bet you never thought I'd be writing DA fanfiction, did you? Yet here were are ;) You can thank Alistair for this. I couldn't help but love that boy.

**YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF THE CHANTRY…**

_Fort Drakon_

    Elissa Cousland was greeted by two sensations when she began to regain some semblance of consciousness. Her head was pounding, throbbing in a steady rhythm, rivaling the sounds of the army at Ostagar assembling as the men and women marched toward the front lines to face the waiting Darkspawn. The last time she could recall feeling this miserable was the morning after the celebration of her nephew’s, Oren’s, birth; a little too much wine had been passed around in Highever’s jubilation over the arrival of the first Cousland grandchild. The second sensation, on the other hand, was not nearly as painful, but still very unpleasant. Stirring, Elissa curled up in to herself in an attempt to get some warmth to stave off the bone-chilling cold that had seemingly blanketed itself over her nearly naked body.

    Wait...naked? Elissa’s auburn eyebrows drew together, the fogginess in her mind making it difficult to comprehend things clearly. Forcing her emerald eyes to open, she blinked a few times to bring her vision into focus. But, when her eyesight steadied, Elissa didn’t like what she saw. It was undoubtedly a prison cell, perhaps Fort Drakon? Not that she had any previous stints behind bars to draw conclusions from, but that seemed to be the most logical deduction based on what little information was presented to her by her surroundings. She needed to figure things out and figure them out fast.

    Pushing herself up into a sitting position, Elissa was met with some protest from her body in the form of a stabbing sensation behind her eyeballs. _That backstabbing bitch!_ She thought. _She’s just like her father; Anora begs us to save her and then rats us out to the enemy and leaves us for dead. If there was ever any question about her being Loghain’s daughter, that’s completely gone now._

“Oh, you’re awake! I was starting to worry.”

    Elissa turned her attention to her cellmate. It was Alistair; the sight of him made her heart dance in her chest and a grin pop on to her face.

    “Alistair!” Elissa breathed a sigh of relief upon laying her eyes on her fellow Grey Warden and her love.

    In his elation, Alistair darted across the cell on his hands and knees, nearly knocking Elissa over in his haste to crawl to her side, much like her Mabari had done a time or two.

    “I’m so relieved you’re all right, thank the Maker,” Alistair nuzzled her neck momentarily before pulling away abruptly. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Elissa Cousland! I thought I might have lost you.”

    Elissa pulled him to her again, Alistair’s grip around her tight but utterly comforting, reassuring and the only place she wanted to be at the moment.

    “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Alistair,” she assured him. “Someone needs to keep you out of trouble.”

    Alistair adopted a cheeky grin.

    “Given our current situation, I’d say you’re doing an excellent job at it,” he brought his arms up to shield himself as Elissa smiled and rolled her eyes. “Don’t hit me, I bruise easily.”

    “Speaking of our current situation,” Elissa ignored his comment and attempted to stand on wobbly legs, ultimately making it to her feet with assistance from Alistair. “We need to get out of here.”

    She headed to the cell door to inspect it. Elissa slipped her hand through the bars and felt around for the lock. Her fingers wrapped around the door handle and, jiggling it around, found it securely locked. Elissa cursed under her breath.

    “Are you all right?” Alistair questioned, taking a step toward her, the sound of his bare foot on the icy stone floor signaling his moment.

    “The door’s locked,” Elissa replied.

    “Yes, very untrusting, those prison guard folk, always keeping cell doors locked. So unthoughtful!”

    Elissa looked over her shoulder behind her at Alistair. She raised an eyebrow at him and he gave her a brilliant grin in response.

    “You’re lucky you’re so cute and that I love you,” Elissa replied.

    “Yes, I am quite the lucky man; if I have to die in a filthy prison in my small clothes, I’m glad I’m with the woman who loves me and whom I love more than anything.”

    The sincerity of Alistair’s comment made Elissa smile to herself and shake her head.

    “Coming from anyone other than you, Alistair, that wouldn’t be anywhere near as sweet or meaningful,” she said. “That being said, I have no plans to die in a filthy prison in my small clothes.”

    “Well, it certainly wasn’t on my to-do list either, believe me,” Alistair stated. “I trust you have a plan?”

    “I’m still working on that one.”

    “I’d ask if you have any tricks up your sleeve, but you don’t exactly have any sleeves to have tricks hidden, do you?”

    “Sleeves, swords or stunning powder,” Elissa confirmed with a huff. “I feel so...naked without my gear.”

    “I do rather enjoy you naked, Elissa.”

    “Escape attempt first, naked fun later.”

    Before Alistair could deliver yet another one of his self-proclaimed witty one-liners, Elissa returned her attention to the cell door. Her lockpicking tools had been taken from her along with the rest of her gear and clothes, and the lock was too small to attempt to fiddle with it with her fingers, lest she risk injuring them. Elissa pursed her lips as she considered her options. _Perhaps I can improvise?_

Reaching up behind her head, she fished around in her bun, searching for the pins that held her hair up. Her hair came undone, cascading down her back in auburn waves. The remainders of the pins that had once been holding her hair up clattered to the floor with a soft tink. _I guess they must have broken when I was hit on the head and knocked out_ , Elissa mused, eyeing the broken bits of metal on the ground. Scanning the debris, her eyes came across one hair pin that was still remarkably intact. She seized it and headed toward the door again.

    “Using a hair pin as a makeshift lock pick? That’s a great plan!” Alistair watched with interest. “You see, _this_ is why I love you, beautiful, resourceful and-”

    They both winced at the crunching sound coming from the lock. Elissa withdrew the hair pin and pulled it back through the bars. It had been snapped cleanly in half, the broken bottom bit swinging from the piece in her hand where it was attached by no more than a sliver.

    “Okay, maybe not such a great plan,” Elissa frowned at the fractured pin in her hand.

    She tossed it aside. _Maybe it loosened the lock?_ Elissa wondered. She took a few steps back from the door, putting adequate distance between them. Elissa then kicked at the door, thrusting her foot against the lock with all of the strength she could muster. She hissed as a jolt of pain shot through her foot and up her leg. The pain and recoil from the hit nearly caused her to lose her balance, but Alistair managed to scoop Elissa up into his arms before she could hit the ground. He laid her down on the ground gently.

    “Are you all right?” Alistair scooted down to Elissa’s right foot the moment she was safely out of his arms. “Can you feel your foot? Can you wiggle your toes? Can you-”

    “Alistair,” Elissa started to say, but Alistair continued on with his concerned prattle, checking her over for injuries.

    She repeated his name, a bit louder this time, and succeeded in getting his attention. Alistair looked up at her, his brown eyes brimming with worry, love and compassion. She placed a hand on his cheek and offered him a small smile.

    “I’m fine, my love,” Elissa assured him. “Probably nothing more than a sprained ankle or something.”

    Alistair gave her a nod and sat back on his haunches. He was visibly relieved, the creases on his forehead disappearing and his shoulders relaxing.

    “You know, Elissa,” Alistair began to say. “There is something I’ve been wondering; you’re a Teryn’s daughter from Highever, so you had tutors and experts train you to fight, correct?”

    “Yes, I did,” Elissa confirmed.

    “So, did you learn your, how do you put it, ‘dirty fighting,’ skills from those tutors?”

    Elissa giggled.

    “No, of course not. A proper swordswoman does not kick below the belt in a fight.”

    “Then who _did_ you learn it from?”

    “My mother.”

    Alistair grinned at her response.

    “Your mother?” he repeated. “Wow. She sounds amazing.”

    “She certainly was. I realize that. Now,” Elissa cast her eyes down to the floor. “I know she would have loved you. My father, too.”

    “When this whole Blight-thing is all over,” Alistair said. “You and I, we’ll travel to Highever and make things right. We’ll make sure that neither Bryce nor Eleanor Cousland are forgotten.”

    “Nor Duncan.”

    Alistair placed a soft kiss on Elissa’s injured ankle, repeating the action and moving up her body until they were face to face, noses touching.

    “I’d like that,” he said. “And do you know what else I like? I like you.”

    Elissa giggled.

    “I like you too,” she said. “But will you still like me if I beat the stuffing out of Anora once we get out of here?”

    “My dear, that would only make me love you more! Oh, and as long as I get to help, of course.”

    “Of course. Now, if only we could get out of here so my blades and I can have a little chat with her ‘Royal Highness,’ that would be peachy.”

    “We’re not going anywhere yet, Elissa, not with your ankle like that. You can barely put any weight on it. How are we going to run from any guards we encounter like that?”

    “I’ll be fine, Alistair, really-”

    Elissa’s protests died in her throat when Alistair flashed her his puppy dog eyes.

    “Please?” he gave her a small pout, sticking out his bottom lip. “For me?”

    “How can I say no to that face?” Elissa replied with a sigh.

    Alistair’s pout was instantly replaced with a grin. He shuffled over next to her on his hands and knees and took a seat. Alistair slung his arm over Elissa’s shoulder and pulled her to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he, his cheek on top of her head. It was silent for a few moments, the only sounds were those of muffled movement and voices coming from outside the room, until Alistair spoke.

    “So...what do you want to do?”

    “I think our options for activities is pretty limited, Alistair,” Elissa replied. “Our accommodations aren’t very good; it’s not like we’re staying in Redcliffe castle or something.”

    “We could play a game,” Alistair said. “How about I Spy? Oh wait, the great I Spy player, Sten, isn’t here to play with us. Speaking of our companions, I wonder where they were sent off to. I suppose it’s because you and I are Grey Wardens and the others aren’t that we drew the lucky straws and ended up here.”

    _No companions, huh? I don’t remember the last time it’s been just Alistair and me without anyone else within earshot._ Elissa pursed her lips. _Maybe we_ can _do something fun to pass the time until we can escape._

“You know, Alistair,” Elissa began to say. “I did think of something we can do for fun until we can get out of here.”

    “Ooh! Something fun? Do tell!”

    “I’d rather show you.”

    Elissa crashed her lips against Alistair’s. Surprised, it took him a moment before he regained his senses and returned the kiss.

    “Really? Here?” he asked when they broke apart for air, his voice soft. “I mean, I am all for it, but it just hadn’t occurred to me that Fort Drakon would be such a great place to, you know, _caboodle_.”

    “Why not?” Elissa replied with a shrug. “I mean, it’s the first time we’ve been totally alone since I was recruited to the Grey Wardens, _completely_ alone with _no companions_. Unless you’d rather play I Spy-”

    “Nope,” Alistair interrupted before Elissa could finish her statement. “Caboodling is _so_ much better than I Spy.”

    With caution and careful consideration for her injured ankle, Alistair assisted Elissa in maneuvering herself up and onto his lap. He smiled as he ran his fingers through her hair, still curled from being up in a tight bun since the early morning hours. Elissa trailed her fingers down Alistair’s chest, causing him to shudder in anticipation for what was about to come.

    “You know, at least there is one good thing about ending up in our small clothes,” Elissa said as she skimmed the band of his small clothes at his waist. “I _love_ this easy access.”

    “Easy access to what?” Alistair grinned before peppering kisses along her collarbone. “To my feet?”

    Chuckling, Elissa cupped Alistair’s face between her hands and kissed him on the forehead.

    “Of course I mean your feet, my precious dumpling,” she joked. “What else do you lick a lamppost with?”

    “Perhaps we could experiment and find out?” Alistair replied with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

    “My dear sweet Chantry boy, your ears nearly turned as red as Leliana’s hair when you said that,” Elissa replied. “It was utterly adorable. Good thing Zevran wasn’t here to see this.”

    “It _is_ a good thing; Zevran would probably want to join in and, quite frankly, I don’t want to share you with anyone. Ever.”

    Elissa gave him an impish smirk.

    “Even Zev?” she joked.

    “Especially Zev.”

    The previously silent cell was now treated to intermittent sighs, giggles and murmured reaffirmations of love. Lost in their private moment, neither Elissa nor Alistair heard the prison cell block door open and some individuals slip into the room.

    “Hmph. They do not appear to be captured at all. In fact, t’would appear as though they are rather enjoying their time alone. Perhaps t’was all just a ruse.”

    In the midst of leaning in to each other for a kiss, Alistair and Elissa both froze. Faces inches apart, their wide eyes met, unsure of how to react to the sound of a voice they both recognized. Morrigan.

    There was an awkward silence that momentarily settled over the room as both Grey Wardens turned their heads at a snail’s pace and found Morrigan standing outside the cell.

    “I am inclined to agree with you, Morrigan,” Zevran’s unmistakable accent filtered into the room. “Though I have to say I am rather enjoying the show.”

    “This couldn’t _possibly_ get any worse, could it?” Alistair whispered to Elissa.

    “ _Alistair._ ”

    A shrill shriek was released from one of the captive Grey Wardens at the sound of Wynne’s voice. Zevran and Morrigan eyed Elissa, who spied their curiously entertained stares out of the corner of her eye.

    “Don’t look at me,” she said. “Iwasn’t the one who squealed.”

    Four sets of eyes fell on Alistair, who, by this time, had nearly turned as red as Oghren’s beard.

    “What?!” he squeaked. “Can you blame me for being utterly mortified? It’s like my _mother_ walking in on me!”

    “Alistair,” Wynne continued, doing her best to hide the smile that was threatening to spill out onto her lips. “What are you doing with our fair leader in your lap, hmm?”

    Alistair glanced between Elissa and Wynne and back again. He moved as if to throw Elissa off of his lap but immediately halted his actions when he remembered their compromising position. The action caused them to both tumble over to the side, Alistair landing on top of Elissa, bearing it all from behind and putting his backside on full display for his companions.

    “Wonderful, Alistair,” Morrigan tisked in disgust. “Do you realize that I have been blinded by your display of nudity? I don’t know if I shall ever recover from such a shock.”

    “I don’t know about that, Morrigan,” Zevran said. “Getting to see the behinds of both our fair Grey Wardens is rather a treat, no? Especially since they both have such nice as-”

    “Zevran!” Elissa and Alistair shouted in unison.

    “Okay, I’m here!” Leliana’s sing-song voice breezed into the room, followed by the fiery redhead herself. “Sten and Oghren are entertaining the guards as ‘circus performers’ so I can pick the lock and…”

    Her voice trailed off when she laid eyes on Alistair and Elissa and their compromising position. Leliana let out a giggle.

    “I see our little Templar is really all grown up and playing well with others!” she said.

    “All right, everyone,” Wynne said over Leliana and Zevran’s laughter. “As much as I enjoy teasing our two love birds, we need to get out of here before we arouse suspicion and we all end up in the cell.”

    Zevran grinned from ear to ear.

    “ _Arouse_ suspicion, you say?” he began to say.

    Wynne closed her eyes and shook her head.

    “Not now, Zevran,” she said with a sigh. “Alistair, Elissa, would either of you happen to know what was done with your armor and weapons?”

    “Yes,” Alistair replied. “The guards stored them in that chest over there.”

    “Hmm...I see my good friend Alistair has a fascination with more than one type of chest,” Zevran chuckled as he followed Leliana over to the locked chest near the door.

    Alistair groaned and buried his face in Elissa’s shoulder at the Antivan’s comment. Gathering the Grey Wardens’ belongings, Leliana gave it all to Zevran to carry while she returned to the cell door to free Alistair and Elissa.

    “Et voila!” the redhead announced with a satisfied smile as she effortlessly cracked the lock.

    She opened the door and Wynne stepped inside, followed by Zevran.

    “Here are you clothes, armor and weapons,” Wynne said. “We’ll keep watch outside and give you two some privacy.”

    “‘Tis kind of a moot point, giving them privacy, given the display Alistair has given us and continues to give us,” Morrigan folded her arms across her chest, her dark eyes full of amusement over the situation.

    “Probably,” Wynne replied. “But if we tease Alistair any more, he might want to stay in the cell.”

    “I guess the old saying is true,” Leliana began to say as she headed toward the door. “That you can take the boy out of the Chantry, but you can’t take the Chantry out of the boy.”

    With chuckles, Zevran, Wynne and Morrigan followed Leliana out of the room. Once they were out of sight, Alistair and Elissa parted. He helped her ease into a seated position before going to fetch their belongings.

    “At least on the bright side,” Alistair began to say. “Having everyone walk in on us was quite the mood killer, so I won’t have any... _hardships_ to worry about.”

    Elissa offered him a smile. They began to dress in silence, still mortified at having been walked in on by their companions, until Elissa began to chuckle to herself. Alistair looked over at her, an eyebrow raised.

    “I was just thinking,” she said, noticing his questioning expression. “When we first met, and you were ‘sassing the mages’, you joked about how the Blight brings people together.”

    Alistair laughed.

    “Oh, yes, I remember that. I was speaking the ‘The Grumpy One,’” he smiled at the memory.

    “Well, I think it’s actually something different than the Blight that actually brings people together,” Elissa continued.

    “Like what?”

    “Picking on you.”

    Alistair opened his mouth as if to protest, but closed his mouth and shook his head.

    “Nope, I’ve got nothing to refute that,” he said with a sigh and a small smile. “That _does_ seem to be something that everyone has in common, isn’t it?”

    Alistair rose and offered Elissa his hand, helping her up. Placing a peck on her cheek, both of their cheeks began to adopt a rosy hue again as they headed toward the door toward their waiting (and likely still snickering) companions.

    “So, uh…” Alistair said. “Any chance we can continue later?”

    Elissa rolled her eyes and sighed, but a smile appeared on her lips nonetheless.


End file.
